Quiet Winter

As I was walking to school this morning in a blizzard (okay, so it wasn't that bad), I realized how much quieter it is when it's snowing. The traffic was more constant, the roads and sidewalks more icy, and more people out due to the conditions, but yet it was quieter and it gave me time to think.

I thought about how much I dislike the snow, as beautiful as it is. I thought about my waterpolo game tonight and how much I don't want to play. I thought about how I am in dire need of a shopping trip, but with last month's utilities bill that won't be happening for quite some time.

I also thought about how much I love Subway and their five-dollar footlongs. I thought about how lucky I am to have a job where I can support myself because so many people are losing theirs. I thought about how excited I am for the Jazz v. Rockets game in March. And most importantly, I thought about how the little things (like the snow) don't matter; it's all about the big picture.

So I guess in a roundabout way, I'm grateful for the blizzard-ish snow. I'm grateful for the time I had to think as I walking on the big ice patch we know as campus. I'm grateful that I am learning to see the big picture.


I'm also grateful for snow angels.

Summer in the Uintas

I have friends, I really do. I have a few in Provo, and even fewer at home, but I do have them. The problem is my best friends are at least 1000 miles away, and have been there for two years. I haven't talked to them or seen them in that time; I get an occasional letter or two and that's the extent of our friendship.

But this summer, that's all going to change. My best friends are coming home! I never would've thought that two years could've passed so quickly or that they would've passed at all. My friends almost seem like imaginary people who send letters and pictures of their adventures in distant lands.

Because my friends are coming home, I get to spend my summer in the Uintas while camping with them. And I am so stoked.

Now, for your enjoyment, are some of my favorite pictures (that are at least two years old) of my best friends.


We spent a week-ish in Moab right before everyone started to leave on their missions. Let's just say that it was my first time camping...ever.


This is the group that so bravely conquered Arches National Park: Neal, me, Alison, Isaac, Jeff, Robby, Neil, Allie, Kaelyn, and Kristi.


We decided to have another adventure, but a bit closer to home. We drove about 20 minutes to a hike (which I've forgotten the name of). We discovered "black lips" along the way and this is what happened.

Oh Jessica Ellsworth! This lovely young lady is about to embark on an adventure of her own in Tampa, Florida!

So, as you can see, I do have friends! And plenty of 'em to go around...

February is for Lovers

You know those shirts that say "Virginia is for lovers" or the original "Ohio is for lovers"? Well, here's another one for you: February is for Lovers.

I've never really been into Valentine's Day, or really anything romantic. Sure, dating's great and its fun to have someone to rely on, but taking a whole day to tell or show them how you feel is a little much. Shouldn't they already know without you having to make a big deal out of it?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against Valentine's Day either. I don't walk around campus wearing a shirt that says: "S.A.D: Singles Awareness Day" nor do I buy out every store of their Valentine's paraphernalia just to make sure everyone else has just as bad of a day as I do. I think it's great that people are actually willing to take a huge leap and tell other people how they feel; it's so honest.

I'm totally fine accepting February 14 as just another day. I'll probably end up wearing something green or yellow, go running, do some homework, then go hang out with my fam. No dates, no pity parties, just your average Saturday in Provo.

I do, however, think it's ridiculous that the WalMarts of the world make big bucks off of people's emotions.

It's About Time

Yup, so true. It's about time I got on this darned blog and updated it. I don't even think I have a lot of followers, if any at all, but I sure do love putting my thoughts out there for others to read so they can get a feel for how I view the world. It's a lot easier to judge someone once you know what's going through their head.

A lot has happened the past month or so. Finals came and went (thank heavens!), Christmas and New Years soon followed with three hours of Rock Band every day, school started up again, more friends have returned home from their missions, and I finally turned 21!!! That was, by far, the most exciting event. My family was gracious enough to come down and take me to dinner at Chili's then my roommates and friends in the ward put together a little shin-dig, complete with cake and Rock Band. It was so fun and even better to know that there are people out there who do care about me.

Lately, I've learned a lot about forgiving myself. I've been struggling with some very personal issues that lead back to before I can remember, and I just can't seem to shake them. I received help and counsel when I was 15 and didn't fully overcome my tendencies until I was almost 20, but I finally did it and it felt great! I was able to be myself again, without the feelings of worthlessness and unworthiness. I viewed life with renewed optimism and hope for the future. Things were definitely looking up. But the past few weeks, certain thoughts have been popping into my head, making me relive the guilt and hopelessness I was once plagued with. I thought that maybe I hadn't received a full forgiveness or I hadn't done it right and that I needed to start all over again. It was devastating. Randomly a few nights ago, I decided to head home to do laundry. My mom and I were the only ones there because my dad was out of town, so it was the perfect time to talk, even though that wasn't my intention. I broke down almost immediately sharing with her the doubt I'd been feeling lately and the struggle I'd had for years that she didn't even know about. She gave great counsel and then sent me on my way to figure things out. That night, I laid in my bed reliving years of pain and pleading with my Heavenly Father for hours to guide me as to what I might to do overcome this trial. Then a feeling of overwhelming peace and calm came into my heart; it was the first time in years that I was able to feel the Lord's individual love for me so strongly. I felt his embrace surround me and a voice tell me that everything was okay. My burden was lifted and I was once again renewed.

That is how I know that Christ lives and that He is our advocate to the Father. That is why I'm putting forth my very best effort everyday to please Him. That is why I feel so strongly about repentance and about forgiving ourselves. I know that if we truly do our part to resist temptation and use the tools we've been given, we will come of conquerer. I know that if we truly come to God with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, willing to do whatever He asks, and feeling a godly sorrow we will be forgiven of whatever transgressions we have committed; the forgiveness will not come easily and will not be painless, but it will come, and it will bring the most incredible joy ever to be felt.

God's Saving Graces

Early this morning, after a wretched snowstorm in the Salt Lake Valley and surrounding areas had left the roads icy, slick, and wet, my roommates and I headed out to go downtown for a miniature Christmas concert put on by the MoTab, Orchestra at Temple Square, and other performers. My roommate just happens to be in the OTS, so we get quite the hookup when it comes to tickets for concerts, devotionals, and things of the sort.

The freeway from Provo to Sandy was pretty much dry and we all felt safe going the normal speed limit. When we got into northern Sandy, the freeway was covered with slush, ice, and all sorts of slippery junk. We didn't really feel the need to slow down, even though our driver was changing lanes and slipping while he did so. Somewhere north of 4500 South, in the middle of another lane change, the back wheels lost their traction and we started to fishtail. Soon enough we were out of control and facing the traffic we were in front of. Cars were all around us, but none were actually close enough for us to hit. We ended up facing the right direction on the right shoulder of the freeway after doing a complete 360 that started in the far left lane.

Recap: we spun all the way around and traveled from the far left lane to the right shoulder.

The whole time we were spinning out of control and traveling across the width of the freeway, I had a feeling of peace that whatever would come out of this situation would be the Lord's will and everything would be okay. It's funny how things like this happen in slow motion and everything in life becomes very clear.

I'm not trying to say that I was scared for my life or that I had some sort of epiphany, but it's now easier to see the Lord's hand in my life. His tender mercies and saving graces are all around, all we have to do is look for them. I'm grateful that everyone is safe, back at home where they belong. And I'm grateful to be given a second chance; at what? I'm not quite sure but I'll figure it out.

Crackers in my soup and Jerky on the side

Did you know that I'm an up-and-coming rapstar? It's true; I even started my own record label and am my own producer/manager to make sure I make it big. I can even lay down my own beat while rapping. Yeah, I'm that talented.

Well, Thanksgiving is over and it's time to move on to Christmas. I had one of the greatest opportunities ever! My family and I were able to go to downtown Salt Lake to make meals for homeless people in the area. It was very humbling and exciting to see how these people live day to day relying on others to give them clothing, food, and shelter. I have been so blessed and I can't believe it took an experience like that to make me realize it. We're headed back there on Christmas morning, so anyone who would like to join is more than welcome to come.

I have all of my Christmas gifts for family and friends picked out, now I just need to go get them. This year, I have decided to really focus on giving and a heck of a lot less on receiving. In fact, I haven't asked for anything...besides things to help me get going on my mission. I have been given so much in my life and have definitely not been grateful enough to those who have helped get to where I am...now it's time to give back.

Guess I'd better change my background. I hope all is well! Till next Thursday!

Just Another Manic Thursday

Why do I always find time to write on Thursdays, the busiest days of my week? Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Ah! The sun just started shining! Please indulge with me as I wear my sunglasses...from inside my office.

While I can't really say the election results were a surprise, they were still a disappointment. But then I start to think about how I would feel if McCain had won...I don't think my feelings would be any different. Isn't it sad that the American public is having to rely on second-rate politicians to take care of the government and run the country? Bad choice, America. Next time, let's get some real candidates.

The Office is tonight!!!!!! A week is far too long to go without seeing a fresh, new episode. Step it up NBC! Let us enjoy our lives twice a week!

Missionaries are so great. I'm just beginning to realize that as my friends start to come home. They do such an amazing work at such a young age. Props to them! It's strange that the change you were once excited about, you wish the past would come to the present.

Well, that's enough of my rambling. Can't wait until my next overloaded Thursday.