Leave It Alone

When I applied for the Speech-Pathology program at the University of Utah, I don't think I knew it required a full course load and an extra load of clients during the summer semester.  But I guess that wasn't enough to deter me from quitting half-way through (yay!) my program because here I sit, in classes and with clients, during the summer time.  From my seat in the classroom, I can see the blue sky, the trees swaying in the wind, and the rolling clouds (I swear I can see the heat too!).  At least I have a good seat.

It's been nearly two months since the inevitable happened, a weird two months.  The past week and a half has been absolutely incredible; my point of view seems to have made a complete 180* turn.  I am more completely optimistic in the future, completely more okay with "things" not happening how I planned, and I am much more faithful in the Lord, His plan, and His timing. 

This previous week in church I gave a talk on President Packer's most recent conference talk, "Guided by the Holy Spirit".  First, the title of the talk is very deceiving, yet fitting.  Second, President Packer relates a story about a young man who lost his wife a few days after giving birth to their first child due to mistakes the delivering doctor made.  The young husband and new father was very upset, very hurt, and very confused by  his trial.  Shortly after the wife's death, the stake president called this young man into his office and gave him counsel from the Lord; this counsel was to "leave it alone; nothing you do about it will bring her back."  While the young man was shocked and probably hurt, he determined he should be obedient and follow the counsel given him.  Later is his life, this man is quoted as saying, "I was an old man before I understood and could finally see...I finally understood!" 

I am so very grateful to the Lord for allowing us time to see and understand His purposes; I am so grateful to Him for allowing us to struggle, to struggle to find true happiness.  Without this (these) struggles, I do not think we could (or would) fully appreciate the blessings He bestows upon us afterwards.  With our struggles and trials come growth, growth and knowledge that cannot be found any other way.

Re-Commitment

The past month has been...interesting, to say the least.  The rollercoaster of life and its emotions has continued, which has made for an eventful ride.  All of these ups and down, loops and corkscrews have left me more confused than ever.  While I can say that the events and changes that started this rollercoaster happened for the best, that knowledge doesn't make it easy to deal with the aftermath or consequences of decisions I have made.

Today during Relief Society (to which I walked in very late), I had a sort of epiphany.  The teacher was talking about faith: faith in an outcome versus faith in Christ.  She focused on having the faith to change our will to align with the Lord's, to have the faith to follow His plan for us rather than ours.  She related various examples from her life that were surprisingly similar to trials I've been going through the past few months.  One of the things she highlighted really hit home: her desires were righteous and she felt she had done everything in her power to see her worthy will be done; however, the Lord had a different plan.  Only after realizing that while her plan was good,  the Lord's plan was better (no matter how temporarily painful the outcome of that plan was) could she truly see the purpose of His plan.

After my hour-long stint at church was over, I came home to catch up on some blog reading I had missed while on vacation in California.  A very good friend of mine, who I look up to and admire in the greatest of ways, wrote a post a few days about timing: our timing versus the Lord's timing.  She relayed this talk by Elder Oaks specifically on that topic.  One of my favorite lines reads "we cannot have true faith in the Lord without also having complete trust in the Lord’s will and in the Lord’s timing."  Not only do we need to have faith in the Lord's plan over ours, we also need to have faith in His timing--that every righteous blessing we desire will be ours when He sees fit.

What's the moral of the story?  Again, Elder Oaks states it perfectly: "Anchor your life to eternal principles, and act upon those principles whatever the circumstances and whatever the actions of others. Then you can await the Lord’s timing and be sure of the outcome in eternity...If we have faith in God and if we are committed to the fundamentals of keeping His commandments and putting Him first in our lives, we do not need to plan every single event—even every important event—and we should not feel rejected or depressed if some things—even some very important things—do not happen at the time we had planned or hoped or prayed."

So here I am, to re-commit myself to doing the Lord's will and trusting in His plan and His timing.  How grateful I am to know that if I have the faith required to follow His plan, act on that faith, and remain worthy I will receive every blessing I desire...and deserve.